Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
