I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
