now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
