I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
