That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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