pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
