Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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