I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
drinking out of a sandbucket again
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
