I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
