she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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