Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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