I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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