i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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