You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
