College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
this must be what syphilis tastes like
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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