I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
