I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
