My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
