did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Blood and glitter go together right?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
