This dress was meant to end up on your floor
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
They are going to name an STD after you.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
