were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
