my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
