just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
