And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
