he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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