So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
