Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
