so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
