whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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