I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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