we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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