i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
