This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He did a backflip because drugs
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