I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
