I must be too annoying 4 u.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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