Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
