Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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