he puts the penis in happiness.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
