I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
