Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Watching her eat just hurts me
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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