The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
