Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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