I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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