Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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