Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
