I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
