so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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