he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
