I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
