u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Ketchup is God's man juice
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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