she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
