totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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