Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
