You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
