If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
