checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
